STRANGE DAY

Yesterday was a twofold day.
Julia left - i accompanied her all the way to the RER B that goes to the airport. Just before that we went to eat to the 'Escargot' restaurant on our street (which we have been talking about doing ever since we came). It was every bit as charming as it looks - the snails were big, tender and the parsley was chopped finely, almost liquidy.
But it was sad. Until now, unlike most of the exchange students, I haven't been here alone. Even though half of the time i wanted to kill her, i miss her now that the house is empty. Plus that she is going to Sudan makes me a little anxious. Take care of yourself sis!

Also, yesterday was my birthday- i wondered how it was going to turn out since Julia had just left, but it went really nicely, so many people came and sang. They put me standing on a table and gave me a present. They gave me a shirt with a big swedish flag in front, and the back said: 'back in sweden...'. Why?
For promoting interscandinavian relations here in Paris I have done two things. First, i have taught all the guys, that in Finland we have a simple saying about swedes: 'all the swedish guys are h***sexual'. Second, when we are in a public place and behaving a bit badly (for ex. being drunk in the metro), i say loudly: 'This is how we do it back home in sweden!!'. (this one is from Allan's dad!).
The swedish people in the audience didnt quite get the humor in the T-shirt. I also got a guide to Rome, champagne, chocolate, julia baked a kinuski-cake for me, and many greetings from Finland.. All in all, an excellent party and birthday - thanks y'all!

study, study, crazy psycho party, study

Julia is leavign next tuesday, so we had a massive (monstruous is maybe a better word) going away party.
When i woke up the flat had four people in it- it smells like cigarettes and spilt wine. people had also missed the concept of not-throwing-the-olive-stones-on-the-floor.
But as always, it was lots of fun and we destroyed an infinite number of wine bottles. Also, i noticed people are getting sick of drinking wine (heh), they now try to bring cider, smirnoff ice, beer.. We also exceptionally had french people here too, julia's classmates from the hospital.
For julia, we continued one last time to the hide out.

My sorry ass is still stuck studying, which is what i am trying to do now, while the others left for brunch. the local student restaurant is supposed to have a really good brunch (bacon, eggs, the works - 3e!). This infinite tunnel of studyinjg looks, well, infinite.
It gets me stressed, and then i take it out on other people, which is something you should never do.

take care!
ps. my hand is still not okay... julia said these things can be permanent. my dad said it just takes a long time for nerves to heal. lets hope experienced doctors know more than the ones who have recently read the books.

angst

Right now i am supposed to be writing an essay.
I stared at the blank page with the blinking cursor, with a flooding sensation of despair.

You do anything not to have to start. Your house will never be as clean. You write about it in your blog.
You force yourself to push that essay into the depths of the back of your head, down there deep, away.
But its there baby. Tick, tack says the deadline, as your headache and unease grow proportionally.
And then you confront it (from far away, with binoculars). You see it's huge, and complicated, you don't know what it even looks like, how you are going to produce it.

And then, choosing between the distaste of doing it, and the distaste of not doing (avoiding) it, you go for the first one. Fool yourself no longer, dive in.

chau.

SOME DAY, I'LL GET. AND BE LIKE A FISH IN WATER.

I tried it, and honestly, i don't get what the fuss is about.
Buying clothes is a necessity, and if i don't buy clothes when i'm in paris, and when they have sales at -50%, when am i going to do it?
So, i braced myself after classes on friday and went shopping.
That disoriented feeling -'okay i'm inside a store, what the hell am i supposed to do now?'- hit me straight away. Everybody does it, i know, but i am incapable of shaking off that uncomfortable, out-of-place feeling. And man, those sales, are a zoo; in Zara all the clothes were on the floor and there were people everywhere, like piranas.
Number one confusion-factor is definitely looking around and wondering if your looking at men's or women's clothes, accompanied by that creeping and embarassing fear that you might be in the wrong section, and everybody is thinking, why is that creep in the women's section (even if it's pink, you can't be sure).
- what's my size?
- is this item bizarre or not?
- can i leave the clothes in the fitting booth, or what am i supposed to do with them?
- collar shirts; with all the pins and the wrapping and the paper, can i try them on?
- jeans; from girls, i gather the idea is that your ass is supposed to look good - but how the hell do i know what that is? ( --> shop with a girl)

Well, after four confusing hours of shopping i got some stuff bought - enough not to have to go back (do it all at once..). My conclusion is that they should pay you for shopping and not vice versa. What in it passionates people escapes me.

PS. shopping tip: don't bring your books, jacket and laptop with you. you don't really need them.

The shah of Blah (obscure allusion to 'Haroun and the Sea of Stories', Rushdie)

Somebody is singing, quite beautifully by her window as i am having croissant, coffee and 400pages of 'L'action et le systeme du monde'. Studying and sunshine outside somehow don't complement each other.
I have been furiously tryng to study, while five girls crept into our house, some from finland and some directly from the alpes, and made it their home. Julia and her friends have now gone to the Jardin de Luxembourg to celebrate Tuuli's birthday with champagne and an assorted collection of our boulangerie's products.
I can now move my wrist almost to get horizontally in line with my arm. This was not the case however yesterday, when i had my philosophy exam. That scored major points on my difficulty scale. Four hour philosophy exam, in french, writing with my right hand which i supported with my left hand, which in turn for some reason made me feel nauseous and a bit lightheaded, trying to answer: 'Is it possible to construct a right that would be acceptable to everyone?'. (I said yes, the only possible right is liberty in society - all other rights are enforced by punishment which would never be accepted by everybody, and liberty outside society [not constructed, but natural] is an illusion, because all men seek to harm each other in search of their own benefit, and thus put themselves in constant danger. Even if liberty in society is upheld by force, it is better than the state of nature, and is therefore the only right acceptable to all. Other rights would be additional, and would not fulfill the 'best possible, in spite of punishment' requirement). I'm sure the professor will point out the numerous flaws, defficiencies and errors of my argument.
I also saw Apocalypto this week - what's up with Mel Gibson? First The passion of christ, and now this; the guy is in serious need of a shrink.
Hope the sun is shining wherever you are, AND you go outside.
Peace and love
Niklas

Many people said i should simplify my blog, and i was going to do this, but i really think i outdid myself this time...

SATURDAY NIGHT WRIST

I woke up Sunday night, realising that i had slept on my arm somehow, and it was numb. I woke up Sunday afternoon, and realised that it was still numb. I asked my dad, and he said it would last for a week or two, that it was called Saturday night paralysis. I can squeeze my fingers together but my wrist is completely limp, loose, not moving, inutile. My right hand. And I have an exam on Saturday. I swear, these things happen only to me.
Vacations in finland were nice. Didn’t have to stay alone in Paris crying on christmas eve next to a bloc of fois gras. Instead, I got my yearly order of boxers and socks as presents and too much food. One day I had to stop eating, that’s how much there was of it. Met relatives and frequented Lost and Found oh-too-many-times. On my second week I managed to study a little.
Alas, not enough, the shit hit the fan, so to speak, when I came back and realised how much school work I had for January. There is no way i can finish it all, and this f***** hand is not helping.
Being back will hopefully get better soon. In any case, it was nice staying at my mom’s, and it’s not like she did anything, but it’s nice to be living on my own again. There is some invisible irritation force that relatives have on you if you spend too much time with them. It grows bigger the closer they are to you. Hi Julia! :D